5 Biggest Mistakes People Make When Going to Therapy

Everyone thinks they’re ready to start therapy, but when push comes to shove, are you truly committed to the process? It’s easy to trip up before you even get started, so let’s break down some common mistakes people make when stepping into therapy:

1. Expecting Instant Results
   Nope, your childhood trauma cannot be resolved in one session. I’m good, but not that good. This was something I believed in my own therapeutic journey. I would meet up with a new therapist and after that first session boy I’d feel great. I didn’t think I needed that second session, so I’d cancel or ghost her (I’m sorry to all my past therapists). A month later, there I am sitting in a corner crying because that problem is still there. It took a while before I discovered that sometimes it feels like it gets worse before it gets better. So be realistic with your expectations and realize that it is a journey and it takes time.

2. Not Being Honest
   I often talk about the importance of being authentic and transparent as a therapist. However, it is just as equally important, if not more, that the client is honest. No reason for half-truths or holding back some of those thoughts or experiences that you have, we all have them. I can’t help you on half-truths, because then you only get half the job done. It’s also important that you are honest with your therapist in what you think is working or not working in the therapuetic process. This is actually the first sign of your gaining comfort in advocating for yourself! So bring you and all the versions of you!

3. Skipping Sessions
   Okay okay, so I’m guilty of this as a client, but that’s probably why I had to keep finding therapists. I’d do this in avoidance to talk about “that thing” I knew that my therapist wanted to talk about, because it was time that I really addressed it. I would try and play it off that I had a meeting that ran late, but I later realized that it was my defense mechanism and I owed it to myself to have that time. Alternatively, I would skip a session because I felt like I was doing so good and didn’t want to be placed in that emotional space in therapy. Only to realize that I was stunting my own progress. So yes, it’s okay to have to cancel or reschedule for legitimate reasons, but really explore why you are wanting to skip the session.

4. Holding Back What Really Matters
   Let’s be honest, no one really wants to talk about their traumas and those thoughts that run around in our head. I always thought if someone heard half the things I said in my head, I would be Patient #7283 on the psych ward. Sometimes people dodge the tough stuff, talking only about surface-level issues. But we all do it, even therapists. It’s easier to stay surface level vs. having to explain why you don’t feel worthy or deserving of quality relationships. Real growth when you begin to explore all the underlying experiences that contribute to how you are currently experiencing your world.

5. Thinking Therapy is Only for “Crazy” People
   This is a common misconception among a lot of cultures. Therapy is seen as a last resort for the real “crazy” people, the weak ones that just need to turn to their faith or have some failures in their faith. The truth is sometimes our friends and family are not the safest of people to seek counsel from. Friends and family can be biased, or our experiences can be invalidated or weaponized. Therapy shouldn’t be a last resort; it should be the first line of defense. It is a tool for self-discovery, growth, and support. Everyone can benefit from it, whether you’re struggling or just want to understand yourself better.

6. Underestimating Your Role
   Therapists guide, but you do the heavy lifting. Change doesn’t happen by simply listening; it requires commitment, reflection, and effort between sessions. Sometimes I will assign homework to my clients in-between sessions. Homework can be trying new coping skills, setting boundaries, or having difficult conversations with someone. The in-between session is where the work actually occurs, it is where you become more self-aware of how you are contributing to your own problems and to what extent are you willing to go to experience the change you seek. Let me reduce some of your anxiety… you get a A+, now go do your homework!

7. Going in Half-Hearted
   Therapy works best when you’re in it fully. Showing up late, canceling often, or being preoccupied during session (using phone, texting) is like trying to tune into your favorite radio station but only catching half the song. Therapy works best when you’re fully dialed in, heart and mind both present. You have 23 hours in the day to be distracted, take your therapy time for yourself, you owe it to you!

Ready to avoid these pitfalls and make the most of your journey? Therapy can be a game-changer when you bring your real self to the table!